ONCE UPON A TIME IN DUSSELDORF...
Before becoming Calgary’s hottest new club sensation, SUICIDE BLONDE, (recipients of the prestigious Hassellhoff Award for Excellence In Grooming), packed the dance halls of Western Europe nightly with an infectious mix of popular rock ‘n’ roll hitz.
But it wasn’t always so easy…
HEINES-B-SMACKEN-FRAU!
Born Vincenzo Greco Suave, Brianoskovich Fabbio, Rodonovich Baderoski and
Timaroon Thomasky, these 4 enigmas, who would one day become known to the world as the SUICIDE BOYZ, were all born in Vienna, Austria, to a communal group of humble Tuba crafting parents. After a brief flirtation forging careers in Extreme Naked Hang Gliding
(a sport that unfortunately left one of them testicularly challenged), these young budding graduates of the GEETAR HERO ACADEMY of MUZIK, embraced their new found ability to mimic the voices, styles, mannerisms and music of every band in the powerful
gaming series on XXXBOX, (their collective platform of choice)…
and as such their path was forged forever.
With such immense talent bursting from their proverbially too tight leather bound loins…
the BOYZ would soon earn a residency at The LOVE SHACK, under the tutelage of the BEE52z in Zurich, wowing audiences with their remarkable voices and stunning surprise spoken word poetry performances, when a twist of fate brought them together with the now infamous Ivana Humpalot, the matriarch of European Cover Bands from September 17th
to October 3rd of 2007, and as they say… the rest is history!!!
DER TUBE-SHTEAKIN...
Ivanas' rise to fame was far from typical. Born Ivana Cutchakakov… at the tender age of 17 she was already performing as the LEAD BACK-UP singer for Nayna (of 99 Luftboobloons fame), when suddenly, at age 19, she wed 89 year old wealthy German Mattress Baron, Helmut Humpalot. Upon Helmut’s mysterious death only 2 months later, she inherited his vast fortune, and set out to bring her unique musical vision of
GEETAR HERO COVER BANDS to North America, with her first project…
the 4 lads that would soon become... SUICIDE BLONDE!
DER ROCKEN-ZE-BLITZEN!!!
Fast forward to July 2009... Ivana has had her way with the SUICIDE BOYZ, and they proudly and confidently take the stage to rave reviews in Calgary...
and the rest as they say, is history…
If you like to ROCK, and if you like to ROLL… and if GEETAR HERO is your weapon of choice… then you MUST SEE the SUICIDE SHOW, and you MUST SEE IT SOON!!!
SUICIDE BLONDE: Breaking the barriers of GEETAR HERO, one PICK at a time!!!
|
 |
Suicide Brian
After graduating from the GEETAR HERO ACADEMY of MUZIK with honours, Suicide Brian was stroked to excellence by the inimitable IVANA HUMPALOT, as he continued on to the higher education of ROCK BAND, which contributed greatly to his becoming the amazing PURVEYOUR of POUNDING PLEASURE you see before you on stage every night with the SUICIDE BOYZ... Patterned after some of the greats: Mickey from the Monkees, Chris Partridge, Animal, and of course Bingo from the Banana Splits, Suicide Brian is a master at beating it, and he beats it hard!!! His ability to sing like a canary, something his gruff exterior only betrays once he is on stage, make him an indomitable force to be reckoned with!!! Look out Animal... your days on top are numbered, as SUICIDE BRIAN likes it on top as well!!! |
 |
Suicide Rod
Perhaps the most underrated member of SUICIDE BLONDE, SUICIDE ROD delivers the bite necessary to propel ROCK and ROLL into the "STRAT"osphere, something Ivana Humpalot recognized immediately when she witnessed a budding young Rodanovich achieve the highest score ever on GEETAR HERO AIR-O-SMITH VIENNA, the annual contest to find the next Joe Perry.... It was there and then that she knew she had to have him... A graduate of the Ritchie Cunningham Skool of Geetar... SUICIDE ROD is the Razor Sharp GEETAR Edge of SUICIDE BLONDE, and he has no immediate plans of getting dull anytime soon!!! |
|
 |
Suicide Tim
Playing since he was in diapers, Suicide Tim credits all the years beating his beets for his ability to hear nothing above 1000 khz., thus rendering a bass palyer by defau;lt... Suicide Tim conjures up a magical bottom end of epic propotions out of one of his many bass guitars and amplifiers on a nightly basis, helping define the bottom end Suicide Blonde is fast becoming known for... a bottom end referred to as one of the most earthy and infectious grooves on the Calgary Music Scene! Suicide Tim's sound has been described as earth shattering, and absolutely intoxicating if you are anything less than regular!!!
A metal masseuse by day, Suicide Tim knows how to manage the suicide grooves by night, something that ensures Suicide Blonde really shines!!!
|
 |
Suicide Vince
Singing, singing, and more singing is what God intended this kid to do! To say that young Vincenzo has a set of serious pipes is an absolute understatement! After years of hollering at cows, chickens and pigs while growing up on the family farm in Vienna, Vinny's family and friends finally convinced him to put that voice of his to a more effective use, like yelling at the turkeys, horses and donkeys as well, and so this provided Vince with lungs second to none...so much so that he has been known to often ilicit comments like "look at the set of lungs on that guy", everytime he walks by a local construction site... Vince has fashioned a career in ROCK that stops women on the street, cars in their tracks, and animals in mid-stride… all while helping everyone to Party, Party, Party… Vince ensures Suicide Blonde delivers the ROCK first, and the ROLL second, everywhere they play! |
|
